For years I’ve been a seeker. A seeker of health, happiness, peace and contentment. (To name a few.) I’ve read many books, taken classes, and sought out teachers. For three decades I’ve been “doing” this work and somehow always seemed to end up back where I started.
If I’m doing the work, why won’t it stick?
Each time I would learn something new I would generate this feeling of excitement and happiness for a little while. I would be inspired for a bit and then the voice of self doubt, the voice of my peers, the voice of my husband, and the voice of my parents would creep back in. Soon I would go back to my old way, ways that never really aligned with me. This left me feeling defeated.
I was judgmental toward myself and others. Unsatisfied with life. This loop created suffering and chaos. I was on a “rinse and repeat”. Repeating the same old pattern and expecting a different result. I longed for an inner calm and didn’t know how to get there.
Who am I?
Where was my voice? I would wonder why I didn’t feel happy or why I was sick. I would constantly search for answers outside myself. I would “do” everything I could to try and be a “better” wife, mom, employee, and student. Constantly distracted by what everyone else was doing I pulled farther and farther away from myself. I didn’t know how to live what I learned. When suffering I couldn’t seem to access anything I had learned from the past. I would scramble for clarity and comfort, only to find myself sitting on the floor with a bunch of tools I didn’t know how to use.
Gathering The Tools (Practices)
Then I was taught how to still my mind (through yoga), focus on what my body, mind, and emotions were trying to communicate to me, and how to communicate back to all parts of me. Through simple practices I found my voice and cleared the inner storms. I learned how to listen to my heart and I found my own tools and the instructions on how to use them!
If my heart sang I knew it was a teaching or practice for me. Then the work was to live it! That is where the pattern/loop changed! That is where the healing began. Through Self inquiry practices, guided meditations, Heart Coherency and Yoga, I began to understand. There are many paths to health and happiness and none of them are wrong. What works for one person may not work for another. AND there are so many teachers, tools/practices and so many ways! Isn’t that exciting?
Discovering My Truth
The loops, patterns and pain of life will continue, that’s part of being human. And when you know who you are and how to live what you learn; you can and will navigate the stormy times with more compassion, courage and clarity. I still get afraid, angry and sad. I still feel confused and chaotic at times…I’m human. My Self Inquiry practices have changed my life, and as a dear friend once told me, in “great turnaround time”. This is my truth.
“Life and loss have been my biggest teachers. I am called to inspire courageous Humans to face their fears and disrupt the pattern. My hope is to illuminate a path that brings you health, wild joy and peace; one breath at a time”.
Toni Larson
What does your heart say?
If you are reading this, I suspect you are a seeker like me. “Try everything and then choose” my Zen teacher told me once. If you are in search of your tools, follow me over to Goddess Village for a free Nurture YourSelf 24-Day Reset where you will find many teachers and many tools. There you will find my guidance, Release YourSELF from Suffering.
