An Interview With Self: Embracing Bitterness

Note From The Author: I like to write my blog posts in the format of an interview I’m having with myself. I find it more empowering to both myself and others to know we may have different points of view and that there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to decisions, values, and framing experiences. If you like, you can reflect on the questions at the beginning of each post for yourself – they might make good journaling prompts or topics for contemplation. (If you care to share, I’d love to read your responses in the comment section below.)

Here is me – you do you!

Q: What is one feeling you would like to embrace today? What is one step you’re willing to take to do that? *

A: Let me begin by acknowledging my tremendous privilege as I write what comes to my heart. My words are rooted in the privileged position I occupy, which has included feeling loved, supported, and important, and being free to feel safe, happy, beautiful, joyous, etc.

So it’s interesting for me to note that the word “embrace” carries a very heavy undertone for me. I’ve heard it used so many times as a bit of a replacement for “should” – different word, same context – something I don’t want to do but feel obligated to, something I ought to do to “be better,” something that I would do if I were better, something a “good person,” “successful person,” or “happy person” would do, some way to make up for something I lack or some inherent deficiency. Many people use it this way; heck, I probably have as well. LOL

When I think of the true meaning of the word “embrace,” though, it actually means to hold closely, accept, support – something of that nature. What feeling of mine is most in need of my acceptance, support, and holding close to me at this moment? Probably bitterness. I am bitter and jaded. Like most humans, I’ve experienced being fucked over by people I’ve trusted and been close to. I’ve been lied to; I’ve been backstabbed (figuratively). 

It’s not like I love feeling bitter, but it’s a natural way to feel. And so often, it is not embraced at all, but rejected. In fact, more often than not, I’ve had people try to talk me out of feeling bitter.

But my bitterness really needs me to wrap my arms around it, accept it, comfort it. I wouldn’t feel it if I didn’t think I should expect people to treat me well, be truthful, act with integrity. If I’m bitter about something someone did to me, it’s because I believe them to be capable of better. My bitterness is optimistic, actually. It believes in bright tomorrows, in justice, in accountability. To not feel it would be to give up.  

Now, for the one step I’m willing to take to embrace my bitterness. After reflecting on the above, I’m pretty sure it’s embraced! LOL But it’s more important, I think, to embrace myself as a person who feels bitter from time to time. There is nothing wrong with me for feeling bitter about others letting me down. When people promise me something, I should be able to expect them to keep their promise. Being told to just get over it is not helpful. Being told that my bitterness makes me unlovable is not healthy.  

*Questions courtesy of Isabelle Gallant.